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Report on developing situation in Romania

9/13/2016

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"King Luan has consistently been on the laser cutting edge of the burgeoning music genre popularly known as “adult abstractia”. Their synth-laden music overlaid with mystical, arcane lyrics has enchanted hipster Burning Man throngs and zealous Mystery Cult adherents for the past few years.

Their latest offering, “No Vampires Remain in Romania (Dracula Spectacular)”, is a quirky yet vitriolic indictment against populist vampire entertainment (yes, I’m talking to you “Twilight”, “Vampire Diaries” and “True Blood”!).

When lead vocalist Hugh Wilson spews “I am not your objet d’art…I am not your sepia heyday” (complete with faux Eastern European affectations and trilled r’s aplenty), it’s enough to compel the listener to rip down and burn every Robert Pattinson poster in morbid shame.

But, just before the party devolves into utter gloominess, in comes the poppy chorus with its disco bass and 80’s New Wave ebullience. Hey, vampirist also-rans and after-dead wannabes, no need to wallow; there may be no more vampires in Romania but that doesn’t mean you can’t don your black robes and dance until the sun rises. Then, it’s back to the crypt (you know, just in case)."    

​- Bartok 
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